I quit smoking 4 years ago when I got pregnant with the moose. For years afterwards the smell or taste or even one drag off a cigarette would make me nauseous.
And then I moved to New Orleans without my family. A month of stress and schools and more stress, and a night out with a couple of fellow teachers and I bought my first pack of cigarettes in 4 years. And then I kept buying. Add more stress of losing my job and coming back to New York... I really want a cigarette. But the Monkey did not like to see me smoking. I did not like smoking in front of him. So I promised him I would finish my pack and there would be no more cigarettes. Mommy would not smoke anymore. About 18 hours in, and I really want a cigarette. But I do not have any. I will not go to the store to get any. I will not "bum" one from anyone. I know a few days of cold turkey will power and it will be better. And I know I will continue to want a cigarette for years. The problem with an addiction is you really don't ever get 100% over it. At least I did not.
I am going to focus on moving my addictive tendency to something healthier at least. In my efforts to help me through the roughest part of quitting, I am going to get a treadmill (probably from Craigslist or garage sales) and every time I feel the desperate need for a cigarette, get on and log a mile. My goal is at least 3 miles or more a day through the winter so I can go into Spring healthier than I have been for many years. I have also signed up for 4 races in the next 3 months. Forces me to go for runs/walks - I already spent the money on the race fees - and means that after the first one I can't take a break from running for too long, because another race is just around the corner. I am going to try and find one every 4-5 weeks to get me all the way into spring.
Not everything is going how I pictured it. Losing my job and coming back to New York is not what I planned. Running races and being happy with my family is what I planned, and if New York is where that happens for me for now, I will make the best of it and concentrate on health and happiness and loving my family. The rest is just details.
You've shown so much strength and courage in facing one of the silent killers in the society - smoking. A lot of people are going through tough times battling with cigarette addiction. Thank you so much for inspiring us and making us believe that cigarette addiction can still be put into an end.
ReplyDelete