Push Challenge Day 5 - Accountability

This is the scariest day for me so far. My homework for today was to announce my push goals to the world - and to promise the people that mean the most to me that I will accomplish those goals in the next 12 months. It was hard. I can tell "strangers" what I want to do and what I need far easier than the people I care about most. I don't want to disappoint those people, I live in fear (really I do) of being a disappointment or an embarrassment to the people I really care about. I would almost rather not do anything at all - heck I would totally rather not do anything at all - than to disappoint those people.

So my Push goals for the next 12 months are to:

1. get a teaching job - getting a job teaching will let me support my family financially, will make the last 3 years worth everything we have sacrificed to get here. And I will finally be doing what I know I was meant to do.
2. lose 115lbs (112.2 as of this morning) and be in the next Turbo Fire infomercial.

It is easy to admit those goals in public, but it is hard to really think about them. They scare me. They make me cry, they make me want to eat. They make me want to go do another workout right now.

So I am going to make a healthy clean lunch, go into town to pick up meds (sinus infection, finally getting antibiotics) come home and make a clean dinner, do my second workout, and study for my certification exams so that I can get my certification and be one step closer to accomplishing my goals. 

Shopping sucks

Nothing like a trip to the mall to make one feel awful. I went shopping with my daddy today. He wanted to get me 2 nice interview suits and shoes and what not so I felt confident and looked good going to my interviews/TRD next week. Unfortunately it did not start out as a good trip.


If I needed a reason to keep up with working out and eating right today was it! I could not find really anything I liked. Only shopping at 1 store (Lane Bryant is the only place that carries talls and I am 6') is certainly limited and when they don't have anything professional enough I am in trouble. I ended up with a nice jacket, a shirt, and a sort of 40's style (my favorite fashion era) shirt dress that makes me feel confident and sexy. But I still wanted to cry in the dressing room because there was just nothing and I felt fat and frumpy and awful. It certainly helped me to make better choices for dinner tonight! I have some Mary Jane pumps (look sort of like character shoes) on order and zinging my way and a whole set up of really good bare minerals make up in my possession so the day was certainly not a waste, but it was hard to not just curl up and cry.


I also did my Day 3 life coaching homework today and have written down some of my top ten goals for the next 12 months. A couple I will share today:

1. lose 115lbs
2. compete in a figure competition
3. get a teaching job

My push goal (the goal that makes the others possible is get a teaching job. I really want to do well at my interviews, and I think my new suit/make up/shoes will help me feel confident and smart as I interview. I am hopeful.