Goals not met so far...

Okay, I have been having serious trouble meeting my goals for January - as evidenced by the fact that I have not been posting everyday as was my initial intention. I have not been working out very much either.

On the plus side, I have been following my primal WOE (way of eating - I like this so much better than "diet") with a good 80/20 success rate. I know I eat more dairy and nuts than recommended (I have been keeping it full fat and organic as much as possible) and I have nibble on hot dogs (not recommended) and ranch dressing (has "modified food starch - a clever way to say "wheat") which I suspect has stalled my progress somewhat. I gained 5lbs the first week on PB (Primal Blueprint) putting me at 259, but that has come back down to 253.4 - and I suspect another pound or two has come off since I weighed myself last week, but as I have no heat right now (ran out of oil for the furnace, can't get a delivery until Monday, been 35-45 in my house for 4 days!), I am not getting undressed to weigh myself any time soon!

When I have low carbed and tried Paleo or clean eating in the past I have never let go of my splenda, or "Atkins approved" treats... so I had never had the taste bud shift. This time (while I still use Stevia in my coffee) I have avoided treats in general this month. So the other day when I made a steak for dinner and dipped a bite in steak sauce, my first reaction was "OMG how much sugar is in this stuff!" - apparently 2g per serving, and a serving ain't all that big! My new preferred steak sauce is a dash of sea salt and a pat of organic butter, so good - I could eat my weight in steak when it is prepared right! :)

So, I will eventually LHT (Lift Heavy Things) most likely using ChaLEAN Extreme, I will sprint using Turbo Fire, and I will get in lots of movement running or using my NordicTrack Ski machine. I know if I follow these PB "laws" I will see the success I want!

ChaLEAN Extreme and Turbo Fire

This is what you get when you let a four year old monkey boy pick your workout programs. He likes the ones with the girls best :)

I have not gotten out to run since Sunday. I am hoping that I will be able to tomorrow. Food has been pretty good., Higher carb and a bit of sugar today - but the sugar was in the form of craisins and a tsp of honey instead of the nutter butter bar that smelled so good...

I have done 2 days of CLX and 2 Turbo Fire HIIT workouts. I think I am going to do INSANITY too at least for January. Might as well go hardcore for the 4 weeks that I do not have anything else taking up my time.

Variety

If you can name a workout DVD infomercial program I probably have it.

• TurboFire, Check
• Zumba, Check
• Zumba Exhilarate, Check
• P90X, Check
• Insanity, Check
• Hip Hop Abs, Check
• the Firm, Check
• Slim in Six, Check
• Brazil Butt Lift, Check

I have them all, I have tried them all, and I have come to the realization that DVDs are not for me. I like the schedule. I like having something specific to do. Sometimes I even like the lack of planning - I don't have to think about my workout, I just have to pop in the scheduled DVD and do it. But after 2 or 3 weeks of the same program and the same rotation I am so bored I want to cry! It takes more effort and will power than I have to do the same workout even one more time. I just can't stick to the schedule. I hate it, I hate myself, and I give up on my fitness goals when I try to force myself into the DVD mold. 

But running. I love running - I tolerate treadmill running, but getting outside to do my run excites me. Every workout is different. Different air, different time, different scenery. Even when I run the same road over and over again, it changes as only the country side can change. My music is on shuffle, so I don't even get the same songs or playlist with every workout. 

And I think about getting out on the road every day. Practically every minute of every day. "When can I get my run in? How will this (weight, food, water, pace) affect my run? Should I take the boys in the stroller? Should I take the dogs? Should I go by myself?"

I see more changes in my body from running. I have rock hard calves. And I can feel tight, strong muscles in my quads - even if I can't see them yet. 

I love running, and I only wish I had found my pace and my place on the road before now.

What workouts do you look forward to? 

What is guaranteed to get you off the couch and moving?

BodyrockTv - Tabata Training

No I am not quitting TurboFire or ChaLEAN Extreme, but I am adding in something new to keep things interesting. Someimes I just cannot do a hour long workout. I cannot even break it up into two sessions. I would rather train super super hard for 20-30 minutes than train hard for 60 minutes. And I would always rather lift weights than do cardio. THat said I know I need all of these things in my life, so...

Check out this link BodyRockTV and the super hot Zuzana (I am so energy depleted from my workout I can't even type right now!) All her workouts are done at home, many without equipment, most bodyweight exercises and this is ALL SHE DOES! Did you see those abs! I want her body - and if this is what she does to get it, I can do it too! So I am adding some of these workouts - maybe not the full ones just yet - to my morning routine. Nothing better to get the heart pumping first thing in the morning.

Push Challenge Day 5 - Accountability

This is the scariest day for me so far. My homework for today was to announce my push goals to the world - and to promise the people that mean the most to me that I will accomplish those goals in the next 12 months. It was hard. I can tell "strangers" what I want to do and what I need far easier than the people I care about most. I don't want to disappoint those people, I live in fear (really I do) of being a disappointment or an embarrassment to the people I really care about. I would almost rather not do anything at all - heck I would totally rather not do anything at all - than to disappoint those people.

So my Push goals for the next 12 months are to:

1. get a teaching job - getting a job teaching will let me support my family financially, will make the last 3 years worth everything we have sacrificed to get here. And I will finally be doing what I know I was meant to do.
2. lose 115lbs (112.2 as of this morning) and be in the next Turbo Fire infomercial.

It is easy to admit those goals in public, but it is hard to really think about them. They scare me. They make me cry, they make me want to eat. They make me want to go do another workout right now.

So I am going to make a healthy clean lunch, go into town to pick up meds (sinus infection, finally getting antibiotics) come home and make a clean dinner, do my second workout, and study for my certification exams so that I can get my certification and be one step closer to accomplishing my goals. 

Doubles

I overslept some this morning and didn't really get my workout in. (Arlene, don't worry about standing me up, when I saw that you weren't there I decided to get a little more shut eye!) But I didn't want to miss out on the day entirely, so late tonight, before I headed for bed I did HIIT 15. Tomorrow I am going to start Turbo Fire / ChaLEAN Extreme doubles. I am doing Turbo Fire in the morning and CLX after school. I am excited to add to my program.

I am also excited for my grill - it should be here tomorrow! I will be making Buffalo sliders and a bunch of grilled chicken breasts!

Feel like a loser, but getting better.

I lost my mojo. I love Turbo Fire and somehow lost my mojo in doing it the last few weeks. I know it is when my eating went completely off track. I ate "bad" "unclean" food - read processed junk - and my energy plummeted. I forgot to take my meds and I sank further down the rabbit hole.

But I picked myself up. I am back on track. I restarted Turbo Fire today - Today is my new day one. I even took pictures. And I am going to post them. I am not proud of these pictures, but they are evidence of how far I have to go. And when I reach my goal they will be how far I have come.

Okay - had to edit to add a link to my friend Daniela's blog - funny post, and I want this to be my new motto!

"Losing the bloodhound, one kitten at a time!"

Some people just drive me crazy

I love message boards. I like being able to "talk" to people (especially since I don't really have any friends in my area) but sometimes I wish I could reach through the computer screen and smack some of these people! "Oh I just ordered _____ and can't wait to start it because I want to lose 90 POUNDS IN 4 MONTHS! Seriously people? Did you just realize that you were overweight? Just because the morbidly obese people on Biggest loser who workout 6 hours a day and live in a controlled environment can lose 90 pounds in 6 months or less does not mean it is a realistic goal for everyone. I am fat. I know I am fat. This is not news or a surprise for me, as I have been fat almost my whole life and I have been this fat at least since high school - some ups and downs, but always about 100lbs to lose for the last 19 years. I love Turbo Fire. I think it is the best program I have ever tried and I truly look forward to working out (most of the time, I am learning to love it) but I don't expect miracles. I expect that with dedication and hard work that I can lose the weight and add muscle and by my 35th birthday ( 20 months from now) I can be in the most fantastic shape I have ever been in. But that is a fat loss of an average of 5lbs a month, not 20 lbs a month. These are the people that blame the program or the diet and throw it all out when they haven't made the progress they want in a month or two. Eat clean, do cardio, strength train - this is the way to get the results you want.

And don't expect unrealistic miracles. It took you a long time to get to the weight you are, it is not all going to come off in a month or two.

My Secret Dream

So my secret fantasy goal for 2011 is to be in an infomercial. I want to be one of the Turbo Fire success stories. "Teacher and Mother of two, Becky lost almost 120 pounds using Turbo Fire!" I dream of this - literally. I need to start thinking about this when I am about to eat something that is full of chemicals and sugar and crap. I need to think about this when I am about to skip a workout because I am tired or lazy or just don't want to. I want to inspire people and be the reason that someone (like me) sees what I have accomplished and thinks, hey if she did that, I can do it too!

I am not a fan of reality TV but I have started watching a show on A&E called Heavy. Real people with real stories. At the end they aren't perfect but still working and moving forward (for the most part). These people, and the addictions they overcome inspire me. I want to inspire others in the same way.

Day 23 with a karmic booty kick!

So 2 days in a row I have been late to my student teaching job. The first 2 days of my student teaching. Why have I been late? Because I keep getting stuck in the snow in my driveway. Since my driveway is all dirt and gravel we generally don't shovel. My superb winter tires on my Ford Taurus can usually just power right through the snow - however with all the freeze and melt I keep spinning out on the ice/refreeze/runoff and slid into the dirt embankments.

This morning's adventures I feel was karmic payback for ignoring my alarm and sleeping an extra hour instead of getting in an extra workout this morning. I will not being doing that again! Instead of getting in extra cardio this morning I got to spend an hour shoveling the ice and hard packed snow out of my driveway with a garden shovel. In sneakers. And slacks. And a dress shirt. With the boys in the car. Okay actually I took the boys back inside and put on a movie for them as soon as I called AAA, but still. It was not fun and for the rest of the day my feet were cold, my booty was super sore, and my slacks were wet.

I wanted to talk myself out of my workout tonight, but as I was changing into workout gear after work I noticed that I could feel the muscles and bones in my back and hips much easier than before. My hips still have a few layers on fat on top of them, but the curve from my waist to my hips feels slimmer and smoother than it did just a few weeks ago.

I wanted to ignore my workout tonight, but then I thought of the people who have told me - through the blog, or email, or Facebook or in person - how proud they are, how I am motivating or inspiring them. I thought of how proud I am of myself. I did not want to disappoint us.

I wanted to sit on my couch and eat giant greasy dripping steak subs on a squishy soft white sub roll, but then I thought about how I am trying to get rid of my "white food" cravings and addictions (white rice, white flour, white sugar - even though I am Irish to the bone I have never been a fan of white potatoes :)) and bought high fiber whole wheat pita pockets and lean steak for a sandwich. I grilled the steak with baby spinach and a drizzle of soy sauce and added half a slice of cheese, and stuffed it into the pitas. I grabbed 3 wilted stalks of celery (I didn't want chips, but did want some crunch) and had a satisfying and filling dinner.

I vowed that no one will recognize me a year from now - I am starting not to recognize myself now. And I couldn't be happier with this new person.

The Streak Continues

I am very good at rationalizing and talking myself out of workouts. I have reasons (re: excuses) that seem perfectly valid - it's late, I ran out of time, I need to go to bed, I am so tired, blah, blah BLAH! All of those excuses came to me tonight, and I pushed them away. I admit I did not do my scheduled workout (Fire 55 EZ) but I did do the HIIT 20 - without low impact modifications! I jumped, I squatted, I touched the floor. I will do Fire 55 EZ later this week (I am planning on Tuesday, the day I should have done HIIT 20) and add strength training to my workout tomorrow.

No one will recognize me - I will be fabulous!

No one will recognize me

I have been doing Turbo Fire without fail every day for the last 20 days. Sometimes in the morning, sometimes at night - doesn't matter, I get it done every day. I have also been listening to Chalene Johnson's motivation audio program that comes with the ChaLEAN Extreme program 2-3 times a day. And for the last 5 weeks I have been taking anti-depressants.

I have been scared to put that on my blog - to announce to the "world" (my fabulous followers and who ever else happens to stumble across my blog :)) that I was suffering from depression. There is such a stigma attached to it that I am scared that it would hurt my chances to get a job, or get insurance or any number of other things in the future. But the medication is helping me. I am enjoying my children and my husband more, I am looking forward to getting out of bed every day. I don't want to cry all the time, I don't want to spend all my time on the couch. I want to do things and be fit. If I had the coordination I would turn cartwheels every day. It is amazing to be free of the emotional weight that was holding me down for so long. I had been depressed for such a long time that I couldn't remember not feeling like I was constantly standing on the edge.

One of the wonderful things that my medication (Welbutrin, if anyone wants to know - I can't say enough good things about it) has helped me do is to have the motivation to work out again. And stick with it. And view it as a lifestyle change. Listening to Chalene's audio program has helped me mentally define my goals for 2011. Here they are:

1. Lose 118 lbs (112 now, down 6 pounds in the last 3 weeks)
2. Complete Turbo Fire, ChaLEAN Extreme and a Hybrid of the two
3. Graduate College
4. Get my teaching certification
5. Get a teaching job!

I vow that one year from now people will not recognize me. I will look like a completely different person. I will be the person that has been locked inside myself for so long. I am the fit, healthy person I have always wanted to be.

Inches away!

Day 19 of Turbo Fire and still loving it. Fire 45 EZ again tonight. Didn't get it done until almost 10, but I did get it done. :)

I took measurements again this week and I lost an inch from my chest, my waist, 1/2" from my hips, 1/4" from each arm, 1/2" from my neck, 1/2" from my thighs. All that in just 14 days. I feel good and sexy and strong and my biceps look better already. I am going to add 1-2 more days of strength training every week - I want to make sure I am getting 3 days of strength training a week so I am building muscle to torch all this fat. Going strong though.

2 weeks down, 18 to go!

18 more weeks of my Turbo Fire schedule. I am proud to be 2 weeks in, but when I think about the 18 weeks I have left it is with excitement, not angst at how much more is left. I am dedicated and making a commitment to my health and my life and my family.

Tonight was the first one where I had some dread getting to my workout. It's late, I would much rather be in bed or just sitting being lazy watching TV. at about 9:15 I started the DVD and almost as soon as the warm up started the moose started crying upstairs. Changed his diaper, brought downstairs, got him some Motrin, snuggled on the couch and kissed his moosey head. Shortly thereafter the monkey started crying too (sick boys, what are you going to do?) one of the kittens snuck into the room  and was trying to cuddle with him. He would be fine with that except they always want to sleep on his head. I put the moose back in bed, grabbed the kitten and tossed him back out of the room and came back downstairs. I had even less desire to do my workout at that point. But giving myself the excuse not to workout at that point is one of the many things that led me here. So I restarted the DVD (from the beginning) and restarted my workout, promising myself I could stop after about 20 minutes.

45 minutes later the workout finished, and I did the whole thing. Now I am debating a little popcorn and a piece of cheese or some celery and peanut butter while I wait to set my yogurt and go to bed.

Turbo Fire day 13

Fire 55 EZ this morning - I only made it through half. Starting the longer Turbo Fire workouts on an empty stomach before getting water or coffee or any food just does not agree with me. I will have to finish the workout after we get home from Harlowe's party tonight. I am still totally loving it though, and I look forward to doing it at the end of the day. I even feel stronger and fitter already!

Turbo Fire Day 8

Turbo Fire kicked my butt this morning. I could only make it through 20 minutes of Fire 45 and I am still sweating and exhausted. I really need to start getting to bed earlier and not hitting snooze when I my alarm goes off. I need at least 6.5-7 hours of sleep to feel human when I get up and I did not get it last night, I barely got 6. I should be able to go to bed by 8:30 tonight.

So my goals for today:

1. Eat clean
2. eat breakfast
3. make soup
4. make it to my doctor's appointment on time
5. get to bed by 8:30

Turbo Fire Day 7!

Okay - so I know I said yesterday was day five, but that was because my math sucks. TurboFire day 7 done! I did Fire55 EZ today and it was in no way E-Z! That was intense, I lost steam about 1/2 way through, but I pressed on to finish the whole thing at the intensity that I could manage. And Jack-Jack cooperated and stayed down for his nap for the whole workout (going up to get him now) and Jonas didn't beg to be picked up until 10 minutes from the end, so I was able to say "wait" and snuggle him happily at the end.

Now I have got to come up with some good lunch options for all of us. I am thinking a nice frittata packed with veggies - and some toast, because Jack-Jack is now addicted to toast!

Dinner will be a veggie packed baked ziti in the crockpot, thanks to Stephanie O'Dea. I will also be starting some yogurt in the other crock, and my multi-grain brown bread (King Arthur Flour rocks!) and I think some tortillas, and maybe prepping tortilla soup for tomorrow.

Turbo Fire Day 5

I almost did not work out today. I convinced myself when I slept in this morning that I was going to workout later. After folding/putting away laundry and listening to Jacques` trying to get the furnace fixed all day I was not even close to motivated to workout. I'm sore from my workout yesterday, I've worked out 4 days this week already... pretty good start. BUT at about 9:30 this evening I heard myself telling Jacques` he could go to bed early - I was going to stay up for a while and wanted to use his TV to do my workout on. I had committed myself. I had said out loud that I still needed to workout and there was no backing down. The stiffness, the soreness, the fact that I am tired and just wanted to snuggle under my electric blanket, but NO now I had to get on some workout clothes and get off my butt and do some work.

And work I did! Fire 30 - 3rd time this week, but that still does not make it an easy workout. I am still learning the moves, but by the end I know I got a great workout in. And I am proud of my self that I did it in spite of myself! Now if I could get this desire for chocolate to go away I would be good. :)

Off the wagon

I fell hard off the wagon in December and the beginning of the year. I am back now and planning on completing TurboFire (just started) and going back to eating clean. It certainly helps that I talked to my doctor and got the meds I needed... I feel happy and positive and ready to go. I am excited and full of energy and actual look forward to life and work and everything ;) and it has been a LONG time since I felt that way. It's not until you can get out of a depressive cycle that you realize exactly how depressed and unhappy you have been and for how long.

Nothing like a shopping trip to depress/motivate you...

257.0
"disco" dancing with Jonas

So I had set aside money to buy some clothes - a couple pairs of jeans, some shirts... so that I had more than 1 pair of jeans to wear. Yeah, that did not happen. I found jeans, and technically they "fit" but how I looked in them was unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE! I had severe muffin top. And "front butt" - visible "front butt". It was awful. I practically wanted to throw up I looked so awful.

So that was a swift and depressing message that I need to get moving and change my lifestyle. I was truly disgusted with myself. I bought a pack of t-shirts and a tie-dye kit, 2 pairs of sweat pants and a light hoodie jacket. I will not live like this. It really did gross me out.

So  - since I was joining an end of the year ChaLEAN Extreme challenge anyway, I have decided to kick it up a notch. I will complete the ChaLEAN Extreme challenge/program and add Couch to 5K training onto it.

1. Monday/Wednesday/Friday (Strength or Rest days anyway) I will get up before taking the boys to daycare and do the strength training portion of my program. After dropping them off I will either run near the house, or if the weather prevents it I will make sure to leave for school early enough to run on the treadmills at school. 
2. Tuesdays I will do Zumba and one of Chalene's Ab programs (from Turbo Jam, CLX or TurboFire)
3. Thursdays I will do TurboFire and wither BBL or an ab program
4. Saturday I will do CLX
5. Sunday I will BBL or Hip Hop Abs