So 'Licious - Mamavation Monday

"So 'licious, so yummy" ~ the Moose "Mommy, my dinner is very alicious tonight" ~ the Monkey.

I had a tough week. Tuesday the boys starting throwing up while we were an hour from home grocery shopping. They continued all night Tuesday night. Wednesday the Moose was better, but the Monkey was so bad I got scared enough to take him to the emergency room. 7 hours (3 on an IV drip) later, he finally looked, talked, and felt like himself again. He still did not want to eat though, so on Thursday, when he told me he was hungry I was trying to shove whatever food I could into my little boy. 

I made him hot chocolate, macaroni and cheese, plied him with granola bars. No go. Grilled chicken, a big fat salad, and some Paleo style eggs worked. My carb-rific kids did some paleo eating of their own this weekend as I adjusted to eating differently. They drank all of my coconut milk (darn them!) They kept eating all my eggs, they gobbled the veggies out of my salad, and stole broccoli cooked in coconut oil off my plate. All the while they told me it was so alicious or so yummy.

My week overall was not good in terms of general stress level, workouts, or anything else. I got kicked out of one of my presentation groups at school (last minute, on Wednesday when I spent the day at the hospital) and told I would have to find something else to do for that grade. It's okay now, I got it taken care of, but it was one more stress that I did not need. I tried to get oil for my furnace, only to be told that HEAP benefits have been cut and it has not been opened yet this year. I am lucky to have an electric blanket and a space heater in the boys' room, because my house will be chilly this winter. I caught attitude from a grocery store cashier when I tried to get all natural peanut butter using WIC (my family is struggling hardcore while I am in school, so I use every available means to keep us afloat and look forward to June when I will have graduated, and pray to the gods that I have a job) when they tried to tell me I could only get the store brand - which isn't true, and I contested it. 

My head is all over the place, and I feel like I am falling behind in my life, trying to do everything I need to do. My mamavation Monday post today is late, rambling, doesn't make a whole lot of sense, so I appreciate the efforts of everyone who took the time to read it. Next week I will be more coherent, I promise.

Push Challenge Day 5 - Accountability

This is the scariest day for me so far. My homework for today was to announce my push goals to the world - and to promise the people that mean the most to me that I will accomplish those goals in the next 12 months. It was hard. I can tell "strangers" what I want to do and what I need far easier than the people I care about most. I don't want to disappoint those people, I live in fear (really I do) of being a disappointment or an embarrassment to the people I really care about. I would almost rather not do anything at all - heck I would totally rather not do anything at all - than to disappoint those people.

So my Push goals for the next 12 months are to:

1. get a teaching job - getting a job teaching will let me support my family financially, will make the last 3 years worth everything we have sacrificed to get here. And I will finally be doing what I know I was meant to do.
2. lose 115lbs (112.2 as of this morning) and be in the next Turbo Fire infomercial.

It is easy to admit those goals in public, but it is hard to really think about them. They scare me. They make me cry, they make me want to eat. They make me want to go do another workout right now.

So I am going to make a healthy clean lunch, go into town to pick up meds (sinus infection, finally getting antibiotics) come home and make a clean dinner, do my second workout, and study for my certification exams so that I can get my certification and be one step closer to accomplishing my goals. 

Embarrassing Details

I hate jumping jacks. Not the jumping, or at least not solely. Not because my feet hurt or because I get out of breath. I hate jumping jacks because of the way my fat flaps and flops and slaps against me. The "mommy" pooch I gained after the boys, the fat old lady arms... they all disgust me. I used to be able to tell myself that I might be overweight but I carried it well. I could look at my arms and think "at least I don't have fat lady arms" I can't say that any more. 

And as awful as that is to admit, as much as I hate I am doing something about it. Today I was able to zip and comfortably wear my favorite pair of brown pinstriped pants to work. Last week I couldn't even zip them. I worked out when I wanted to go to bed. I am going to bed on time after a post workout snack of Greek yogurt and blueberries. I am making progress and I will continue to make more. Soon I won't have a post with embarrassing details but one with details that will make everyone want to jump up and cheer. Soon I will wave good bye to my fat lady arms and pack up my mommy pooch. I am excitedly working towards that day.