21 Day Fix - Day 0 - getting ready

So today I start the 21 Day Fix from Beachbody. The program is designed to help you jump start weight loss from a plateau, lose weight to help hit an event goal or really anything else you want to do to be healthy and fit. I have been sitting on the same plateau for a long time and my goals for the program are:

1. Dial in my nutrition - nutrition is 80-90% of a fitness program and mine has not been what it should be.
2. Break through my plateau. I have been bouncing around the same 5-10lbs for over a year, and it is time to leave those pounds behind for good!
3. Create new habits to help me reach my long term health and fitness goals!

I will be updating this blog and my youtube channel regularly as I go through the program so follow me here, on Facebook or on instagram (@coachbeckycooper) for more details!

I am ready to change my life, my fitness, and my health - are you?

Mad

I am mad. I am spitting nails angry.

What am I angry at? Conventional Wisdom. The conventional wisdom that told me at 17 and 5'11 I should weigh 113lbs. The conventional wisdom that has told me throughout y adult life that I must be a lazy glutton because I could not eat little enough or workout long enough and hard enough to lose weight.

The conventional wisdom that constantly tells me that I can save money by cutting back on my credit card spending (don't have any), go out to eat or for entertainment less each month (haven't gone out to eat in except for with family that picked up the bill in 4 or more years, haven't seen a movie in 5) by cutting back on things like TV and internet (haven't cut back on internet, no cable, no satellite TV...).

I am mad at the conventional wisdom that never told me that the problems I have had with my teeth and my nails for the last 20 years have a direct correlation to my weight, energy, overall health...

I wish I had found and stuck with primal style eating 15-20 years ago. I am happy that I have found it now, and I am glad that I will be rebuilding the next 2/3rds of my life to be optimally fit and healthy, but I am angry that it took so long. I am going to use this angry to change me, change my family, and eventually change the world!

Cartwheels

I could never really do a good summersault. My belly got in the way. And handstands or headstands were far beyond the ability of my upper body to support the rest of my weight. But I could pull off a decent cartwheel. I was known to do a random one out of sheer happiness and excess energy now and again. I have not done a cartwheel in at 13 years.

But I feel like I could do one today. I am too scared to attempt it right now, but I have the energy and joy that I used to have when I would do them.

The joy comes from seeing my stepson for the first time in 10 years - and finally introducing him to his little brothers.

It comes from finally bouncing off my stalled weight plateau and incrementally headed down.

It comes from eating well, being satisfied and NOT craving junk at "that" time of the month.

It comes from being on the right path and knowing it. :)

Goals not met so far...

Okay, I have been having serious trouble meeting my goals for January - as evidenced by the fact that I have not been posting everyday as was my initial intention. I have not been working out very much either.

On the plus side, I have been following my primal WOE (way of eating - I like this so much better than "diet") with a good 80/20 success rate. I know I eat more dairy and nuts than recommended (I have been keeping it full fat and organic as much as possible) and I have nibble on hot dogs (not recommended) and ranch dressing (has "modified food starch - a clever way to say "wheat") which I suspect has stalled my progress somewhat. I gained 5lbs the first week on PB (Primal Blueprint) putting me at 259, but that has come back down to 253.4 - and I suspect another pound or two has come off since I weighed myself last week, but as I have no heat right now (ran out of oil for the furnace, can't get a delivery until Monday, been 35-45 in my house for 4 days!), I am not getting undressed to weigh myself any time soon!

When I have low carbed and tried Paleo or clean eating in the past I have never let go of my splenda, or "Atkins approved" treats... so I had never had the taste bud shift. This time (while I still use Stevia in my coffee) I have avoided treats in general this month. So the other day when I made a steak for dinner and dipped a bite in steak sauce, my first reaction was "OMG how much sugar is in this stuff!" - apparently 2g per serving, and a serving ain't all that big! My new preferred steak sauce is a dash of sea salt and a pat of organic butter, so good - I could eat my weight in steak when it is prepared right! :)

So, I will eventually LHT (Lift Heavy Things) most likely using ChaLEAN Extreme, I will sprint using Turbo Fire, and I will get in lots of movement running or using my NordicTrack Ski machine. I know if I follow these PB "laws" I will see the success I want!

Aiming for a better week

Despite my intentions of getting back to my runs Thursday, I was derailed. The hubby has been out of town since Thursday night, meaning no chance to run alone. Although even if I had the chance, I don't think I would have gone for my runs this weekend anyway. Friday afternoon the muscles on my left side seemed to lock up on me. By about 7 Friday night I was shaking and feverish and desperately trying to figure out how to feed the boys dinner when I didn't even feel like I could get off the couch. Saturday was not much better, but after another night of extra strength ibuprofen and snuggles with my moose (who has not been feeling so hot himself) I feel almost human today. Possible even good enough to take the boys for a nice walk before dinner later. 


I have been reading / hearing / downloading podcasts a lot recently about the Paleo Diet. I've done low carb before - I did Atkins a few times (best when I was away in college. Lost all my progress when I came home and had carb laden foods tempting me). The more I read about Paleo, the more it seems to be a clean eating version of a low carb diet. It emphasis real foods, whole foods, no processed food. No to low grain consumption, lots of vegetables and fruits, nuts and nut butter (but not peanut butter as peanuts are a legume). Lean meats, poultry, seafood... I feel like that is a way of eating I can get behind and sustain. I know I feel absolutely awful when I eat too many wheat products. When I put a greater emphasis on vegetables and lean protein I feel better about what I am eating, get fewer headaches and no heartburn. When I start eating too much wheat (pasta especially) I suffer from awful heartburn!


So as I plan out our grocery list for this month it will look more like a paleo list. Nuts, lean meats, frozen vegetables, a little dairy, some healthy fats. I am hoping that this will help jump start me in the right direction and set the end of my year on a good course. 


Mamavation Monday question: How has Type II diabetes affected your life?
I'm lucky that even with my weight being so high, I do not suffer from type II diabetes, in fact that last time I had my blood work done and asked to check that out, my doctor said my numbers were so good I did not have to worry about it. However, my father was diagnosed as pre-diabetic 3 years ago and my MIL has Type II diabetes, so I have seen how it can complicate a persons life. My MIL has to take extensive medication everyday - and I am fairly certain that most of her more sever health problems (including the diabetes) are directly related to the fact that she is at least 100lbs over weight, if not more. That thought more than any other makes me motivated to be healthy. I want to be able to play with my children and eventual grandchildren and not suffer from weight related illness. 




“This post is sponsored by Better’n Eggs and I’m writing this to be entered into a giveaway hosted by Mamavation – a community dedicated to obesity prevention & weight loss for women“” 

Focusing on perfection

I said earlier I read a lot of fitness and healthy living blogs. They help to keep me motivated and ready to go. I am also a member of quite a few different healthy living/eating message boards. I have noticed a running theme lately with posts from my online friends. So many people are focused on the number on the scale, and on eating perfectly. Eating to plan, staying in their calorie range, making sure they have the right calorie deficit... It makes me sad. It actually hurts my heart when I read about how they feel like failures because they work so hard and the weight isn't coming off. They have been perfect with eating and workouts and nothing is moving. I feel for them.

I can empathize, I have been stuck in the same 5lb range on the scale for a few months. I know I have not been perfect, have not done many of the things I should have to move out of that range. I have not lost the 100lbs I have dreamed of losing this year - and I certainly won't lose it in the next few months. I would be extremely happy to end the year 20lbs lighter, I would be happy to be 10lbs lighter, and I would even be okay with not being any lighter, but having increased my fitness, and my ability to run for a longer distance. I would be happy to find a lifestyle way of eating that works for me, that keeps me happy and satisfied and not running for the candy store or chips every time I get a craving. I would be happy just to have enough money to sign up for and run my half marathon in October - and to actually run more than just a few feet of it!

To my friends (and readers - though I consider you all friends too) that are striving for perfection, please give yourselves a break! I love you, and I want you to love you in the same way. I want you to be happy, I want you to realize that all the work, the consistency, the effort you have put in on your health and fitness will pay off, has paid off, is paying off. And some of you, I want you eat more. Trust me, eat a little bit more and I would bet money you see some results - you know who you are :)

Do you strive to be perfect? Is your quest for perfection actually hurting your goals? What do you think?

Business to Blogger

My main purpose for writing this blog is to keep myself accountable to others as I travel on my fitness journey. I enjoy the writing, the comments, and the friendships I have formed through doing this.

And while my main goal is not about making money or supporting myself and my family through the blog, I know that extra income is possible - along with interesting products to review. With that in mind when I saw a Business2Blogger button on a new blog I have been following (Mommy to Marathon) I thought it was worth checking out.

Business 2 Blogger connects businesses with bloggers (simple right). It gives both a chance to expand and reach a broader market base. I am excited that it will give me a chance to reach out to fitness themed businesses that can help me and my readers o our fitness journeys.

So I have signed up with Business 2 Blogger - so you may see posts in the future that I am asked to post or review. This will be a good thing, it will give me a chance for a little extra money to help my family and it will help my readers learn about new ideas or products that they may not get a chance to see otherwise. Of course anything you see on here will still be up front and honest, and if I write a post, paid or not, everything stated will be my true opinion, so when I recommend something it is because I truly believe in it.

Weight loss is simple

... but it isn't easy! I was listening to a podcast today (by the way, anyone with a smaryphone - stitcher.com podcast app AWESOME!) called logical weight loss and I was struck by the profound-ness of that statement. Weight loss is simple, eat less, move more (for most of the population) but if it was easy there would be no weight loss bloggers, or industries devoted to losing weight or a new fad diet every day-week-month-year. I know what I need to do to lose weight and get fit. Don't eat junk, don't eat more than I need, don't procrastinate. Do move more, do workout, do eat clean and healthy. And yet... last night, when I wanted to go to bed, I was tired and falling asleep, and instead of going to bed like I needed to I stayed up another 3 hours munching on half a bag of potato chips. I binged half the night and couldn't sem to get full. I sabotaged myself - and I knew I was doing it.

I need to concentrate on me, on doing the things I need to do to be healthy and be a help to my family, and I need to figure out why I do things to sabotage myself.

Weight loss is simple, but it isn't easy.

Teddy Bear Love

My 3 yr old has a teddy bear - "Bear" - that he has had his whole life. It was a gift from a coworker to me shortly before he was born. Bear came to the hospital and rode home with the Monkey in the car seat. It is a tan colored bear that once upon a time played music, nature sounds, and a heart beat. As my mother and I drove across country with my 2 week old Monkey in the back seat (My husband and I were moving) Bear was propped on the Monkey's feet, with in easy reach to turn on the heart and soothe a crying infant.

Bear slept in the bassinet and in the crib. Early on the Monkey learned that if he hugged Bear, Bear made music. The Monkey loves music. At odd times throughout the night Bear's music could be heard through the baby monitor - most often when the Monkey woke up and needed help to get back to sleep.

The Monkey's love for Bear has not diminished as he has gotten older. No other flashy stuffed animals have manged to take Bear's place. Bear is not shared - and he is the only toy the Monkey will not let his little brother hold. Bear's music died last summer thanks to a trip into the pool. The Monkey thought Bear would like to go swimming with him. Bear's once robust and cuddly figure is noticeably flat and limp due to a tear in his back that leaked fuzz into the washing machine... Bear has seen better days, but the Monkey does not care. His love is constant.

Seeing the perfect love my child has for his frayed and beaten teddy made me think - why can't we have that kind of love for ourselves? Why is it so hard for me to love myself, to love my body despite all of its flaws. Why can't I love my body for the things it has done well, done without complaint, and often done in spite of the abuse I have given it.

My body faithfully carried, protected and housed the monkey for 41 weeks (he has always been stubborn). It fed him for 7 months after he was born. My body healed itself from the loss of the baby it could not keep. It quickly nurtured and grew my little Moose baby shortly there after. My body can rejoice in a kiss or hug from my children or a caress from my husband. My body carried me on shaky legs done the aisle and stood proudly as I married my husband.

My body has taken me skiing, horseback riding, running, and walking. My body used to be able to do cartwheels (and will again someday). It can play volleyball, and softball. It can take a spinning class, or Zumba, or Kickboxing. It can lift weights - heavy weights. My body has healed quickly from injuries and illness. It has provided the strength my heart required to do ever more - more than I thought it possibly could.

I love my body! I love the strength in my muscles. I love the delicacy of my hands. I love my height. I love my eyes. I love my hair - even the grey. I love my breasts, and the gently curved hourglass of my shape.

And I love my stretch marks. I love my c-section scar. I love the scars on my arms and my legs that are the badges of honor, the chronicle of my life. I love my thick waist and my big thighs and my flabby bottom. I even love my flappy "grandma" arms. I love my imperfections They are proof that my body is strong, that my body has been there for me, supported me, and loved me without questions since the moment we were born. My body has loved me even when I have treated it badly. When I have fueled it with junk. When I have not given it the movement it craves, or the sleep it needs.

My body has loved me the way my 3 yr old loves his bear. And I promise that from now on I will love it the same way.

Push Challenge Day 5 - Accountability

This is the scariest day for me so far. My homework for today was to announce my push goals to the world - and to promise the people that mean the most to me that I will accomplish those goals in the next 12 months. It was hard. I can tell "strangers" what I want to do and what I need far easier than the people I care about most. I don't want to disappoint those people, I live in fear (really I do) of being a disappointment or an embarrassment to the people I really care about. I would almost rather not do anything at all - heck I would totally rather not do anything at all - than to disappoint those people.

So my Push goals for the next 12 months are to:

1. get a teaching job - getting a job teaching will let me support my family financially, will make the last 3 years worth everything we have sacrificed to get here. And I will finally be doing what I know I was meant to do.
2. lose 115lbs (112.2 as of this morning) and be in the next Turbo Fire infomercial.

It is easy to admit those goals in public, but it is hard to really think about them. They scare me. They make me cry, they make me want to eat. They make me want to go do another workout right now.

So I am going to make a healthy clean lunch, go into town to pick up meds (sinus infection, finally getting antibiotics) come home and make a clean dinner, do my second workout, and study for my certification exams so that I can get my certification and be one step closer to accomplishing my goals. 

The Streak Continues

I am very good at rationalizing and talking myself out of workouts. I have reasons (re: excuses) that seem perfectly valid - it's late, I ran out of time, I need to go to bed, I am so tired, blah, blah BLAH! All of those excuses came to me tonight, and I pushed them away. I admit I did not do my scheduled workout (Fire 55 EZ) but I did do the HIIT 20 - without low impact modifications! I jumped, I squatted, I touched the floor. I will do Fire 55 EZ later this week (I am planning on Tuesday, the day I should have done HIIT 20) and add strength training to my workout tomorrow.

No one will recognize me - I will be fabulous!

So frustrated!

2 miles (so far)
ChaLEAN Extreme - on the agenda
1-2 more miles - on the agenda
264.6 - WTF?

Okay, for the last month or two my weight has gone up up up everyday. I know my exercising has been haphazard at best and my eating hit or miss, but there has NOT been enough miss for 14lb increase so quickly. It is frustrating t say the least. And for the last week I keep going to bed early or falling asleep on the couch early. I only wish it could be pregnancy (it CAN'T be, not possible, don't speculate) because then it would be explainable.

On the upside, we are almost at Thanksgiving break for school, which will give me lots of time to work on projects for the end of the semester. And we are almost at the end of the semester, which will give me a week or two to work on me before starting my Field Period and student teaching. I wish I was in better shape for student teaching, but that is certainly not the point now.

AND my double stroller should be here today or tomorrow. I am hoping for today, and if it comes I will be taking a walk around the village with the boys when I pick them up from daycare.

Now it is off to get the moose dressed and take him to daycare, then home for the rest of my work out and some homework.