Overwhelmed by Information

I have been lifting weights since I was 15 years old. Way before it was "cool" or even very common for women to lift anything heavier than a vinyl covered 3lb dumbbell. I have tried every variation of every program there has ever been - I think almost literally. I have lifted light weights for a ridiculous amount of reps. I have lifted heavy weights for 6-8 reps. I have done body weight, I have done free weights, I have done machines. And I feel like I have never really made real progress. I admit I have had issues sticking with stuff sometimes. But when months of consistent and ridiculously hard work have yielded little visible results, it gets harder and harder to keep going.

Starting my Leptin Rx six weeks ago the program meant no working out. My muscles are/were sugar burners, not fat burners. I need to work on changing my brain chemistry and body chemistry so that I burn fat. Now that I have meet most of the change requirements, I am ready to start getting back into exercise. And I feel a little mental pressure in that I am getting some interest from schools out of state to teach next year. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I start teaching in 5-6 months. So I am trying to figure out a program that with 6 months of hard dedicated work will yield some visible results. I just don't know what to do anymore. One of the Beachbody programs I already have? Something cobbled together from my fitness magazines? Something from one of the countless exercise books I have? Something from any number of DVD programs? I just don't know anymore. I love lifting weights, I feel strong when I do it, but I feel like I need some structure, and my brain just isn't up to figuring it out right now. Part of me thinks I should do a program I have that is laid out for 90 days so I don't have to think about it, but I get so bored... I don't want to start the same program I have started and never made it past 2 weeks again... I haven't even watched most of the workouts because I never get that far in the program...

I just feel a little hopeless and confused right now (as well as extra fat and out of shape today). I need to do something, but what?

Why Can't You?

I can't. I don't want to. I don't have time. It's too hard. There are so many things we don't do because we have convinced ourselves we can't, that it is an impossible feat. Some things are impossible, others are improbable, but most things that we consider impossible are just difficult. They are out of the realm of our experience.

When I was in second grade, I assumed everyone had 3 sets of grandparents because I had 3 sets of grandparents. In 4th grade I thought everyone was Catholic, because I was Catholic. Until we are confronted with something completely outside of our experience and thought process, we have no reason to consider persepectives outside of our personal world.

I have never run a race. Not a 10K or a 5K or a half marathon, but I think that I can. I have no reason to believe I can other than my own thought that it is possible. Not only do I think it is possible, I think that I will enjoy it. I think I will enjoy it so much that I am adding to my "fitness bucket list" a new goal.

I will run 50 races in 50 states before my 45th birthday.

I know it won't be easy. I will have to train long and hard for them, and save up money to be able to travel around the country running races. That is why I am giving myself 11 years to do it. I figure that will average out to about 5 races a year - plus at least one Disney race a year. :) 'Cuz, come on, who doesn't want to run around Disney World and Disneyland. Not everyone? Seriously? Hmm, okay.

I will have to make significant changes to my life to do accomplish this goal. My eating will have to improve. My health will have to improve. My training will have to be consistent. I will probably lose weight, but if I don't change other things it is not garaunteed.

But I will do this. Starting with a 5K before Halloween and hopefully a 4.4 mile race on Thanksgiving. These races will be close to home, so New York state will be the first one checked off my list. Other states in the Northeast will be next. Possible NV if my mom stays out west. Florida and California will come early (those Disney races you know - and I want to do all of them including the Goofy Race and a Half challenge). But then I will need recommendations of what to try next.

So what are the best marathons/half marathons/10Ks/20Ks/50Ks/Mudders near you?
What races would you run?

What is on your bucket list - fitness or otherwise?

And, my Canadian readers, I am only a couple of hours from Ontario - any good races up north I should hit?

1st #Mamavation Monday Post - I deserve better

I was listening to Talk of the Nation on NPR on my way home from school yesterday (I love NPR, makes me feel smart when I listen :)) and they were talking about the violence in Mexico. It struck me when one caller said "I feel bad for Mexico, they deserve better than that". The host said "as we all do".

As we all do. We all deserve better. Isn't that an amazing epiphany like thought? We all deserve better. Maybe I am the only one struck by the enormity of that simply comment. Maybe it just resonates with me as I begin to realize that I deserve better. My family deserves better. My town, my state, my country, my world deserves better. Better schools, better environment, better health, better jobs, better living conditions, better governments and politicians. We have good ones, but everything can be improved. We can always strive for better.

I can't fix better for everything or everyone. But I can start with me. I can start with my family. My family deserves better. They deserve a mom/wife that is happy and healthy and fun and active. They deserve a wife/mom who loves herself and loves them as much as they could possibly be loved. They deserve a mom/wife who loves them enough to take care of herself.

When I take care of my self, my family gets the better they deserve. When I go for my runs every day my family gets the healthy happy mom they deserve. When I feel good about my self my husband gets the loving, affectionate wife he deserves. By taking care of myself I can give my family what they deserve; I can give them "better".


This isn't the same (at least in my mind) as putting myself first. I can't do that. I have too many responsibilities to put myself first. My family always comes first. But if they always come first, then ensuring that I am fit and healthy and happy takes care of their needs.

So I am going to put my family first and take care of them, and me, so they get the best; so they get what they deserve. Because they deserve better... and so do you.

What about you? Do you put yourself first? Do you consider taking care of your family and taking care of your needs the same?

Why are you fat?

"Beck, why are you fat?" This was asked of me today by the 4 year old son of my neighbor. Why are you fat.
Why am I fat? I could blame genetics - both of my parents are overweight. I could blame circumstance - I am broke and it really is harder to buy healthy foods to feed a family on our strictly limited budget. This little boy is only a year older than Jonas, and I don't want Jonas to think of me as the fat mommy. I don't want to be the fat mommy. I don't want Jonas teased for having the fat mommy like I was when I was little. I want to be fit. I want to be the cool mommy, the fun mommy, the hot mommy.

I told this little boy that I was fat because I eat too much. And I do. And I don't move enough, and I don't eat quality food. And a host of other things that really just boil down to excuses. But I will not be the fat mommy forever. I am working, and changing, and committed. I have running shoes,

and a plan :)

Right now I may be the fat mommy, but this fat mommy can run. And soon I will be the fit mommy.