Haters

So I got my first internet "hater" today...

Basically some random person on Instagram asked me "How can you be a coach when your (their misspelling, not mine) not in shape."

I could take this 2 ways. I could cry and hide and delete the comment and worry about how I can be a good or effective lifestyle coach with Beachbody extolling the virtues of health and nutrition and fitness when I am not in perfect shape myself (YET!)

OR

I could continue to inspire others on THEIR OWN journeys to health and fitness. The journey that begins with a small step that is often hard to take. The journey that started for me 4 years ago when I weighed over 300lbs. The journey that has helped me lose 70lbs in 4 years.

I began my Beachbody journey a LOOOONNNNNGGGG time ago (back when Power 90 was really the only thing out there). I started and stopped and started and stopped and started and stopped... you know the deal right? I lost a little, I lost a lot. I have plateaued for over a year. I gave up on myself and believed again. I gave up again. I believed again.

But throughout my journey - this one that I have been on for most of my life I have done at least one thing. I have been HONEST with my online community.

I am not perfect. I have 50lbs of fat to lose. I don't eat perfect every day. I don't always commit to my workouts. I give up and then start again. I do that a lot.

Since becoming a Beachbody Coach a little over a year ago, I never give up on myself for long. I never give up on my clients. I push and check in and motivate and encourage myself and others. I help. I listen. I offer tips and tricks and ideas and more importantly than anything else, I offer wisdom from someone who has BEEN THERE. Someone who is still on the journey. Someone who knows exactly how hard the struggle can be.

I am there for anyone who wants help with their struggle. Free. No charge - if you choose to take advantage of some awesome programs and supplements and nutrition, GREAT. If you want to pay it forward and help others by becoming a coach FANTASTIC. If all you want is someone to listen and maybe help motivate you out the door on a one mile walk - I will be there.

So thank you random internet hater. If you chose to spend the time to comment and try to tear me down, I must be doing something right.

Failure

I am a failure. Ever have those days? When the negative thoughts in your head are so loud you can't concentrate on the fact that you are actually spectacular and awesome and feel like the biggest loser out there (please tell me it is not just me!).

My weight has stalled and stagnated again, and it is all my fault. Easter candy and jelly beans (man I love jelly beans) ripped into my mind and grabbed hold and I found myself buying and eating loads of candy. I did not run three days last week, or yesterday, or Monday... so my goal of 4 miles a day is falling flat. I am already not sure I will be able to get 4 miles in today. I have a speech presentation due tomorrow, a paper due tomorrow, an assignment that was due yesterday still to complete, plus classes the rest of the day today.

Plus, it is snowing, and with the cold my motivation is practically non existent. And I do not like my daycare anymore and do not want to take my boys down there. I have 2 hours until class and enough to do to fill 10 hours more. I just want to hide and avoid it all. I need the sun and the warm weather to come back. Maybe then I can find my happy thoughts again.

Overwhelmed by Information

I have been lifting weights since I was 15 years old. Way before it was "cool" or even very common for women to lift anything heavier than a vinyl covered 3lb dumbbell. I have tried every variation of every program there has ever been - I think almost literally. I have lifted light weights for a ridiculous amount of reps. I have lifted heavy weights for 6-8 reps. I have done body weight, I have done free weights, I have done machines. And I feel like I have never really made real progress. I admit I have had issues sticking with stuff sometimes. But when months of consistent and ridiculously hard work have yielded little visible results, it gets harder and harder to keep going.

Starting my Leptin Rx six weeks ago the program meant no working out. My muscles are/were sugar burners, not fat burners. I need to work on changing my brain chemistry and body chemistry so that I burn fat. Now that I have meet most of the change requirements, I am ready to start getting back into exercise. And I feel a little mental pressure in that I am getting some interest from schools out of state to teach next year. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I start teaching in 5-6 months. So I am trying to figure out a program that with 6 months of hard dedicated work will yield some visible results. I just don't know what to do anymore. One of the Beachbody programs I already have? Something cobbled together from my fitness magazines? Something from one of the countless exercise books I have? Something from any number of DVD programs? I just don't know anymore. I love lifting weights, I feel strong when I do it, but I feel like I need some structure, and my brain just isn't up to figuring it out right now. Part of me thinks I should do a program I have that is laid out for 90 days so I don't have to think about it, but I get so bored... I don't want to start the same program I have started and never made it past 2 weeks again... I haven't even watched most of the workouts because I never get that far in the program...

I just feel a little hopeless and confused right now (as well as extra fat and out of shape today). I need to do something, but what?

You Are Here...

But is Here where you want to be?

I am here and here is 256.4lbs. Here is not where I want to be. Here is not the top of my mountain. Here is where my journey has to begin for real.

And I have no excuses. I am the reason I am Here. I am the reason I gained 4lbs this week. I did not work out for 3 days. I ate too much every day. Not always bad, not always a lot, but too much. I did not follow my plan or do what I know I needed to do. And it is my fault. No one forced me to sit on my butt, no one stuffed my emotions down with food but me.

I am Here and I am the reason for it.

I am Here and I need a plan. I am Here and a I need accountability. I will keep my self accountable this week by posting meals and workouts on Twitter (please follow me if you don't already - I can use help staying accountable).

I will keep myself accountable by weighing in on Wednesday and on Sunday and posting it online. On Flab to Fab, on Facebook and on Twitter.

Workout Plan
Half Marathon Training Schedule (Cardio) Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday
Long Walks (Cardio) Wednesday, Friday (much slower than training pace)
Strength, body weight or machine training/lifting Monday, Wednesday, Friday

I know there are no rest days in this list, but when I take one rest day I take 3. Not every day will be hardcore, some will be "active rest" but I will move every day this week.

Meal Plan
Keep it at 1800 calories every day
Emphasis on Fruits and Vegetables - at least 8 servings a day
Good fats
good/lean protein
fewer grains (no more than 2 servings a day)

If you want to help keep me accountable you can follow me on Twitter or friend me on Lose It

I am Here, and I can go a little longer.



This week's Mamavation Sistahood Question, brought to you by Grunt Style - a fashion site by Veterans that helps to support those who serve and their families.


What body part are you proud of right now and why?

• I am extremely proud of my calves. They are rock solid muscle from all the hill running I have done this summer. I can't wait until more parts of my body have the same definition and strength that my calves do.

Why are you fat?

"Beck, why are you fat?" This was asked of me today by the 4 year old son of my neighbor. Why are you fat.
Why am I fat? I could blame genetics - both of my parents are overweight. I could blame circumstance - I am broke and it really is harder to buy healthy foods to feed a family on our strictly limited budget. This little boy is only a year older than Jonas, and I don't want Jonas to think of me as the fat mommy. I don't want to be the fat mommy. I don't want Jonas teased for having the fat mommy like I was when I was little. I want to be fit. I want to be the cool mommy, the fun mommy, the hot mommy.

I told this little boy that I was fat because I eat too much. And I do. And I don't move enough, and I don't eat quality food. And a host of other things that really just boil down to excuses. But I will not be the fat mommy forever. I am working, and changing, and committed. I have running shoes,

and a plan :)

Right now I may be the fat mommy, but this fat mommy can run. And soon I will be the fit mommy.

Embarrassing Details

I hate jumping jacks. Not the jumping, or at least not solely. Not because my feet hurt or because I get out of breath. I hate jumping jacks because of the way my fat flaps and flops and slaps against me. The "mommy" pooch I gained after the boys, the fat old lady arms... they all disgust me. I used to be able to tell myself that I might be overweight but I carried it well. I could look at my arms and think "at least I don't have fat lady arms" I can't say that any more. 

And as awful as that is to admit, as much as I hate I am doing something about it. Today I was able to zip and comfortably wear my favorite pair of brown pinstriped pants to work. Last week I couldn't even zip them. I worked out when I wanted to go to bed. I am going to bed on time after a post workout snack of Greek yogurt and blueberries. I am making progress and I will continue to make more. Soon I won't have a post with embarrassing details but one with details that will make everyone want to jump up and cheer. Soon I will wave good bye to my fat lady arms and pack up my mommy pooch. I am excitedly working towards that day.