I am a failure. Ever have those days? When the negative thoughts in your head are so loud you can't concentrate on the fact that you are actually spectacular and awesome and feel like the biggest loser out there (please tell me it is not just me!).
My weight has stalled and stagnated again, and it is all my fault. Easter candy and jelly beans (man I love jelly beans) ripped into my mind and grabbed hold and I found myself buying and eating loads of candy. I did not run three days last week, or yesterday, or Monday... so my goal of 4 miles a day is falling flat. I am already not sure I will be able to get 4 miles in today. I have a speech presentation due tomorrow, a paper due tomorrow, an assignment that was due yesterday still to complete, plus classes the rest of the day today.
Plus, it is snowing, and with the cold my motivation is practically non existent. And I do not like my daycare anymore and do not want to take my boys down there. I have 2 hours until class and enough to do to fill 10 hours more. I just want to hide and avoid it all. I need the sun and the warm weather to come back. Maybe then I can find my happy thoughts again.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Goofy Plans
I have mentioned before that I want to do the "Goofy" in 2013 - Disney World Half Marathon on Saturday, followed by the full on Sunday in January 2013. And possible the 5K or 1M kids fun run with the Monkey, he loves to run with me :)
So I am going to train for long runs. No tempo runs, no track, no speed work - the thought leaves me cold. Just 4-5 days a week of hills with a long (1-2 hour) run on Saturday and an even longer (3-4) run on Sunday.
For April, my goal is 4 miles a day, every day. Some runs, lots of walking. May it will be 5 miles a day, with of course longer weekend distances. Some 5-10K races thrown in when I can find and afford them. June 6 miles... you can see the progression right? Every month I will increase the daily mileage to match the month. I will be going s l o w... to decrease injury, and building overall stamina and speed. And I will keep eating a Paleo-Primal diet. No grains, lots of meat, veg, fat, some fruit and the occasional sweet potato (most likely on long run days).
I reserve the right to adjust this when I need to, but right now, this plan makes me feel good.
I'm goofy, and next year, I'll have proof :)
So I am going to train for long runs. No tempo runs, no track, no speed work - the thought leaves me cold. Just 4-5 days a week of hills with a long (1-2 hour) run on Saturday and an even longer (3-4) run on Sunday.
For April, my goal is 4 miles a day, every day. Some runs, lots of walking. May it will be 5 miles a day, with of course longer weekend distances. Some 5-10K races thrown in when I can find and afford them. June 6 miles... you can see the progression right? Every month I will increase the daily mileage to match the month. I will be going s l o w... to decrease injury, and building overall stamina and speed. And I will keep eating a Paleo-Primal diet. No grains, lots of meat, veg, fat, some fruit and the occasional sweet potato (most likely on long run days).
I reserve the right to adjust this when I need to, but right now, this plan makes me feel good.
I'm goofy, and next year, I'll have proof :)
Monday, March 26, 2012
Crazy
Am I crazy? I feel crazy - well a little crazy. Warm spring weather brought back my desire to get outside and run. Of course when I saying "run" I don't even really mean run. I mean, not in the sense of being able to go fast or keep a pace or do tempos runs or speed work or anything. I mean, push the boys (each kid 35+lbs, stroller at least 30lbs...) up and down hills (all I got around here) for as long as I can without them trying to make me crazy (er).
I am going to run the Goofy challenge at Disney World next January. A half marathon on Saturday, and the full marathon on Sunday. It sounds nuts, running 39.3 over 2 days, but I feel like I can do it. So I am going to train with that in mind. My goal for running will be a medium long run on Saturday with a Long long run on Sunday.
I have crazier dreams too, but I am not ready to lay them out just yet.
I am going to run the Goofy challenge at Disney World next January. A half marathon on Saturday, and the full marathon on Sunday. It sounds nuts, running 39.3 over 2 days, but I feel like I can do it. So I am going to train with that in mind. My goal for running will be a medium long run on Saturday with a Long long run on Sunday.
I have crazier dreams too, but I am not ready to lay them out just yet.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Kettlebells and Cold Baths
Okay, so I don't want to brag or anything, but I am looking hot lately. Like super hawt :) I have energy galore, I don't want to pass out and fall asleep in the middle of the day (as long as I avoid dairy) and I am running again - and I am going to do my first half marathon in 6 weeks. :)
But back to becoming a rock star paleo running mom. Kettlebells. Kettlebells are awesome! My neighbor and I have been doing them for about a week now, and I can see some toning benefits in my lower body. I need to make them heavier (I made my own kettlebell so I could adjust the weight) to get more out of the upper body, but this is just the best workout. 8-12 minutes and I am done with strength training. Another 20-40 for a good walk/run and I have hit all my fitness goals for the day.
And my upper body is losing fat. My weight really hasn't changed it is staying steady at about 249+-1lb, but I can almost see my overall body fat percentage dropping, so I know that the weight will eventually have to follow. Right now I am doing my best not to freak about it, keep eating my healthy Paleo-Primal diet, and enjoying the want/need/desire to move and be active again.
But back to becoming a rock star paleo running mom. Kettlebells. Kettlebells are awesome! My neighbor and I have been doing them for about a week now, and I can see some toning benefits in my lower body. I need to make them heavier (I made my own kettlebell so I could adjust the weight) to get more out of the upper body, but this is just the best workout. 8-12 minutes and I am done with strength training. Another 20-40 for a good walk/run and I have hit all my fitness goals for the day.
And my upper body is losing fat. My weight really hasn't changed it is staying steady at about 249+-1lb, but I can almost see my overall body fat percentage dropping, so I know that the weight will eventually have to follow. Right now I am doing my best not to freak about it, keep eating my healthy Paleo-Primal diet, and enjoying the want/need/desire to move and be active again.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Overwhelmed by Information
I have been lifting weights since I was 15 years old. Way before it was "cool" or even very common for women to lift anything heavier than a vinyl covered 3lb dumbbell. I have tried every variation of every program there has ever been - I think almost literally. I have lifted light weights for a ridiculous amount of reps. I have lifted heavy weights for 6-8 reps. I have done body weight, I have done free weights, I have done machines. And I feel like I have never really made real progress. I admit I have had issues sticking with stuff sometimes. But when months of consistent and ridiculously hard work have yielded little visible results, it gets harder and harder to keep going.
Starting my Leptin Rx six weeks ago the program meant no working out. My muscles are/were sugar burners, not fat burners. I need to work on changing my brain chemistry and body chemistry so that I burn fat. Now that I have meet most of the change requirements, I am ready to start getting back into exercise. And I feel a little mental pressure in that I am getting some interest from schools out of state to teach next year. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I start teaching in 5-6 months. So I am trying to figure out a program that with 6 months of hard dedicated work will yield some visible results. I just don't know what to do anymore. One of the Beachbody programs I already have? Something cobbled together from my fitness magazines? Something from one of the countless exercise books I have? Something from any number of DVD programs? I just don't know anymore. I love lifting weights, I feel strong when I do it, but I feel like I need some structure, and my brain just isn't up to figuring it out right now. Part of me thinks I should do a program I have that is laid out for 90 days so I don't have to think about it, but I get so bored... I don't want to start the same program I have started and never made it past 2 weeks again... I haven't even watched most of the workouts because I never get that far in the program...
I just feel a little hopeless and confused right now (as well as extra fat and out of shape today). I need to do something, but what?
Starting my Leptin Rx six weeks ago the program meant no working out. My muscles are/were sugar burners, not fat burners. I need to work on changing my brain chemistry and body chemistry so that I burn fat. Now that I have meet most of the change requirements, I am ready to start getting back into exercise. And I feel a little mental pressure in that I am getting some interest from schools out of state to teach next year. I want to be in the best shape of my life when I start teaching in 5-6 months. So I am trying to figure out a program that with 6 months of hard dedicated work will yield some visible results. I just don't know what to do anymore. One of the Beachbody programs I already have? Something cobbled together from my fitness magazines? Something from one of the countless exercise books I have? Something from any number of DVD programs? I just don't know anymore. I love lifting weights, I feel strong when I do it, but I feel like I need some structure, and my brain just isn't up to figuring it out right now. Part of me thinks I should do a program I have that is laid out for 90 days so I don't have to think about it, but I get so bored... I don't want to start the same program I have started and never made it past 2 weeks again... I haven't even watched most of the workouts because I never get that far in the program...
I just feel a little hopeless and confused right now (as well as extra fat and out of shape today). I need to do something, but what?
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Mad
I am mad. I am spitting nails angry.
What am I angry at? Conventional Wisdom. The conventional wisdom that told me at 17 and 5'11 I should weigh 113lbs. The conventional wisdom that has told me throughout y adult life that I must be a lazy glutton because I could not eat little enough or workout long enough and hard enough to lose weight.
The conventional wisdom that constantly tells me that I can save money by cutting back on my credit card spending (don't have any), go out to eat or for entertainment less each month (haven't gone out to eat in except for with family that picked up the bill in 4 or more years, haven't seen a movie in 5) by cutting back on things like TV and internet (haven't cut back on internet, no cable, no satellite TV...).
I am mad at the conventional wisdom that never told me that the problems I have had with my teeth and my nails for the last 20 years have a direct correlation to my weight, energy, overall health...
I wish I had found and stuck with primal style eating 15-20 years ago. I am happy that I have found it now, and I am glad that I will be rebuilding the next 2/3rds of my life to be optimally fit and healthy, but I am angry that it took so long. I am going to use this angry to change me, change my family, and eventually change the world!
What am I angry at? Conventional Wisdom. The conventional wisdom that told me at 17 and 5'11 I should weigh 113lbs. The conventional wisdom that has told me throughout y adult life that I must be a lazy glutton because I could not eat little enough or workout long enough and hard enough to lose weight.
The conventional wisdom that constantly tells me that I can save money by cutting back on my credit card spending (don't have any), go out to eat or for entertainment less each month (haven't gone out to eat in except for with family that picked up the bill in 4 or more years, haven't seen a movie in 5) by cutting back on things like TV and internet (haven't cut back on internet, no cable, no satellite TV...).
I am mad at the conventional wisdom that never told me that the problems I have had with my teeth and my nails for the last 20 years have a direct correlation to my weight, energy, overall health...
I wish I had found and stuck with primal style eating 15-20 years ago. I am happy that I have found it now, and I am glad that I will be rebuilding the next 2/3rds of my life to be optimally fit and healthy, but I am angry that it took so long. I am going to use this angry to change me, change my family, and eventually change the world!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Leptin - The Big Bad Master Hormone and Me
I think this is working. Granted I am up 4lbs this week, but as I am just ending my TOM, that is really not bad. And I am not concerned.
Last week I started following Dr. Jack Kruse's Leptin Reset program in conjunction with the primal diet. It will take a long time for me to regain leptin sensitivity, but I am confident I can follow this WOE for the rest of my life. Heck, I already have a little proof that it is working!
Normally my TOM is 7 days of excessive bleeding, cramps, mood swings and uncontrollable cravings. I would normal ditch a low carb or primal WOE as soon as the first strains of PMS hit. Except they didn't hit this month. I did bow to the demand for chocolate because it wasn't there. I did not eat bread despite making two fresh loafs in the past 2 days. Was briefly tempted by the smell of the bread and cut it up for the hubby and the boys with barely a second thought.
And best of all... The excessive bleeding I mentioned usually requires 3 days of pads AND tampons that are changed every hour-2 hours. I thought I was going to be in some serious trouble because I forgot to pick up tampons when I went grocery shopping - and only had about 6 left. I only need 5 total! Because instead of 3 days of heavy bleeding it was 1/2 a day! And after 3- 3.5 days my TOM is DONE! I am amazed. And despite this head/chest cold that will not go away I feel awesome.
There is one more part of this that I think is really working for me.
`
Last week I started following Dr. Jack Kruse's Leptin Reset program in conjunction with the primal diet. It will take a long time for me to regain leptin sensitivity, but I am confident I can follow this WOE for the rest of my life. Heck, I already have a little proof that it is working!
Normally my TOM is 7 days of excessive bleeding, cramps, mood swings and uncontrollable cravings. I would normal ditch a low carb or primal WOE as soon as the first strains of PMS hit. Except they didn't hit this month. I did bow to the demand for chocolate because it wasn't there. I did not eat bread despite making two fresh loafs in the past 2 days. Was briefly tempted by the smell of the bread and cut it up for the hubby and the boys with barely a second thought.
And best of all... The excessive bleeding I mentioned usually requires 3 days of pads AND tampons that are changed every hour-2 hours. I thought I was going to be in some serious trouble because I forgot to pick up tampons when I went grocery shopping - and only had about 6 left. I only need 5 total! Because instead of 3 days of heavy bleeding it was 1/2 a day! And after 3- 3.5 days my TOM is DONE! I am amazed. And despite this head/chest cold that will not go away I feel awesome.
There is one more part of this that I think is really working for me.
`
Photo from A&E TV website, for "Hoarders"
While I was never quite "Hoarders" bad I am admittedly a slob. I don't mean to be or want to be, but I get overwhelmed and can't deal. In that respect my kitchen has been a disaster since before Christmas - especially with 5 puppies getting into every thing and not quite being completely housebroken. It was all I could do to keep up with cleaning up after them and getting enough dishes done to make dinner before I was mentally and physically overwhelmed by it all.
But Saturday I looked at my kitchen and said to myself - "Man I need to clean this place up!" And did it. Without wanting to cry, without being overwhelmed, and in just over an hour my kitchen was more or less clean. I need to mop the floor 2X a day (puppies) but still. For thise that know me personally they know what a big deal this is.
So going primal and fixing my leptin is fixing me inside and out, mentally and physically. I cannot wait for the tomorrow and next week and next month and the spring and summer and fall and next year because I know each day living this life is bringing me one more step closer to the super awesome person I am supposed to be!
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